Monday, March 27, 2006

Monster


This is not a great day. I'm feeling depressed and lonely, anxious and lost. As I look at other artists' blogs and sites, instead of being inspired as usual, I feel intimidated and hopeless that I'll ever get where I want to go. I read this quote on Rhonna's blog and realized that this is a very real fear of mine. I want to master the technique of living to meet my goals/dreams.

I don't share easily, especially things that truly make me feel vulnerable, and I think maybe I'd like to change that. I'd like to trust that sharing would be met with understanding as I've seen again and again on other bloggers' pages, but for the most part I fear that it would be met with judgment and criticism. Sometimes I even find it hard to share them with myself. Maybe it would help if I really could share my hopes and fears, my dreams and disappointments.

In a brief bright moment, I looked at the pile of balled up kleenex I'd accumulated while collecting my tears and thought that might be a good symbol for the monster of depression. Thus this week's entry for Illustration Friday.

10 comments:

steve said...

Well,you succeeded in sharing a lot here, and your work turned out to be a very original and skillfully renderedtake on the subject. We all go through times of doubt and hoplessness.Just keep doing great work and you'll keep improving. You gotta start somewhere, right?

Debra Cooper said...

I think your work is very original and posesses the quality to evoke emotions. Keep your chin up and keep going.

AndyDoodler said...

By the words, image, and idea you've posted here- I'd say you're very wise and aware- and are taking the right steps. Great piece-- there's a reason for everything- depression included-ugggg. May tomorrow be brighter. Keep going! (and I'm not just b's'ing this for cheer)

marc said...

Hello,
Your work is very beautiful and imaginative! Important it's of to take part!Nice illo!
Good day

Ellen said...

You've got to be kidding?! After just looking over your previous work you are a TOTAL inspiration to me!!!! You are a fantabulous artist!!!! Keep it up! It takes time and you are on the right path!
P.S. have you checked out www.planetsark.com for inspiration?

neilornstein said...

When I get the same feelings of frustration and self-doubt, I take some somfort from this quote by Hokusai:

"From the age of six I had a mania for drawing the shapes of things. When I was fifty I had published a universe of designs. but all I have done before the the age of seventy is not worth bothering with. At seventy five I'll have learned something of the pattern of nature, of animals, of plants, of trees, birds, fish and insects. When I am eighty you will see real progress. At ninety I shall have cut my way deeply into the mystery of life itself. At a hundred I shall be a marvelous artist. At a hundred and ten everything I create; a dot, a line, will jump to life as never before. To all of you who are going to live as long as I do, I promise to keep my word. I am writing this in my old age. I used to call myself Hokosai, but today I sign my self 'The Old Man Mad About Drawing.' "

I firmly believe that unless you are lucky enough to be a natural draftsman, then learning to draw and learning to get beyond the most obvious tired cliches and connect to something honest and fresh is a long haul. I don't know why we think it should be otherwise. It's like learning to play the violin. No one starts out playing like Heifetz. Everyone sounds like they are killing cats. But after endless scales some form of pure tone emerges.

For a better pep talk then I could ever give get your self a copy of "The Creative Licence" by Danny Gregory - an utterly wonderful book.

Check out his site http://www.dannygregory.com/

He is realistic about the travails of learning to draw and very encouraging.

Regards, Neil

Colorsonmymind said...

Sweetie,

You are an amazing artist! This tissue piece conveys your feelings so clearly.

It is expected for every artist to have feelings of self doubt. I am glad you conveyed them here so you could get some much needed and deserved support.

You are a wonderful, talented artist, going through a bit of a funk.

This too shall pass.......

XOXO

Aravis said...

I really like this. Crumpled tissue isn't easy to capture, but you did. I also love the shades of blue and your watercolor technique. This illo captures the emotion you wrote so eloquently about.

I can empathize with your feelings. When I look at the beautiful work done by others I feel so inadequate sometimes. But I enjoy what I do, so I do it anyway. I have found that sharing, though difficult because it can leave one feeling vulnerable, is also an excellent way of getting over the fears. Best wishes always.

polar_collision said...

I wanted to take a peek at your work so it would be fresh in my mind when I met you tonight and found this entry... one of the reasons I want to meet you is because your work inspires me. All my life, I've drawn and painted with so much detail that my work loses it's power, a power that comes from the mystery of textures and layers of paint and media. And this very thing is what I feel you excel in. Don't lose faith in yourself. Take another look at your work without the filters of where you want to go with it (a great goal) or how it compares to someone else, but really look at where it is now and what strengths you already have. I think you'll be pleased!

Angela Rockett said...

Thank you, everybody, for your encouraging words. They mean so much more than I can say.