Monday, May 03, 2010

Uneasy relationship

It's been nearly two months since my last blog post (why the sudden image of a confessional?) and I've had a lot of time to think why that might be. My relationship with blogging (and all forms of social networking) seems to have been an uneasy one for quite a while now. Computer work is always a bit of an effort because of the physical pain it causes in my wrist and shoulder, but the reasons for unease went deeper than that. I think I lost, if I ever had, the "why" of doing it. It had become a mindless activity that I felt I should do but didn't really know why I felt that way. I had never really examined my motivations or whether it was the right thing for me to do or not. Of course, when I started I didn't really realize how it can come to permeate your life if you let it.

I've been taking yoga at a local studio for the past few months now (I love it!) and a big part of a serious yoga practice is cultivating mindfulness, so I've been trying to examine many of the mindless things I do and, hopefully, make them mindful activities instead. In applying it to my life online, I feel like I need to define why I'm there and decide whether I even want to be there. As to the why, I can start with CONNECTION. I remember that being the thing that really got me interested. Being an artist is such a solitary pursuit and the idea of hundreds of friends as close as my computer is very appealing. But, and this is hard to put into words, in some ways it often made me feel even more isolated, more alone. And sometimes, when I wasn't feeling very strong emotionally and my rationality had left for a vacation, left me feeling as hurt and ignored and alone as I had felt on many school playgrounds.

So, what to do? Well, I think if I approach this more mindfully, I can continue to hang out in this imaginary place with all you wonderful people. I would like that. I love the connections I have made, and I miss them. And I miss sharing my artwork and my life with you. So, with an eye on connection, I continue.

For now I leave you with a couple of photos of Spring that I've taken over the past few days.

lake reflections and a duckling!

the sun warming the new leaves on our walnut tree this morning

If you want, you can see more on my Flickr account.