Today, Resistance got the better of me again.
After having such a great week last week, my guard was down and Resistance struck. It struck by weakening my resolve through lack of sleep (got up at 4:00 this morning and couldn’t really get back to sleep), and through it’s strongest tool and ally, Fear. I’m about to start a new series of paintings and I’m scared that I won’t be able to do it, scared that I’ll fail. And since I was feeling pretty sure of myself after earning that gold star last week, I let consciously re-committing to my work slide, and my focus and intention became unclear.
Result: muddle-headed fuzziness. Fuzzy muddle-headedness? Either way, you get the idea.
After a couple of hours of wallowing in the fuzziness, I made some coffee and set about reclaiming what I could of the day. I knew that studio time wasn’t going to happen, so I decided to focus on the stuff that surrounds my painting time but that I procrastinate doing, often to the point of forgetting all about it. In addition to some other things, I’m preparing a couple more submissions for competitions, I’m writing this blog post, and I might even get around to updating my website a little.
So, not the day I’d hoped for, but not a total waste either. At least I didn’t give in to the pull of the sofa magnet.
I’ve been working with some tools lately that are helping me to work through Resistance (though, obviously, it’s a constant fight) and I’ll write about those soon. For now I would like to share with you one of the most powerful quotes I found in The War of Art:
Never forget: This very moment, we can change our lives. There never was a moment, and never will be, when we are without the power to alter our destiny. This second, we can turn the tables on Resistance.
This second, we can sit down and do our work.